THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS OF DOOM PT. I

Scene: Outer space, somewhere around Uranus.

Scene opens on a can of Chocolate Poop floating against a backdrop of space. Its quiet since space is like that. Suddenly the can is blown apart by a laser blast. Camera pans down onto an epic space battle near the planet Uranus (correctly pronounced Yur-ah-nus). Voot Runners swoop about Voot Carriers as they deliver heavy barrages of laser blasts against an armada of enemy ships. The enemy ships are vast in number but they are losing the battle. Among the many enemy fighters one fighter, the Advanced Fighter, stands out blasting apart a great number of ships narrowly avoiding pieces of a Voot Runner. Its pilot can't be seen behind the flight helmet but she is clearly human. An Irken voice is heard on comm speaker inside her ship.

Alien Leader Voice: (sounds very familiar) Surrender Earth- Alliance- Force- thingies or whatever you call yourselves. Your names are not important only that you surrender immediately.

The female pilot speaks on behalf of the Earth forces.

Female Pilot: (a familiar dead pan voice) We won't surrender. The Plutonian defenses you destroyed were just a small part of our forces.

Shift to an interior shot of The Muscle, the largest Irken ship in the fleet. Sitting in an enormous power chair we see the Irken leader in silhouette

Alien Leader: Pathetic! Pathetic! What I used against your PLUTONIAN DEFENSES were a few toys we normally give to Irken children. And your Neptune stratagem was a joke. Behold the power of the Muscle!! (squeezes his hand into a fist)

The lower pod bay of the Irken command ship, THE MUSCLE, opens and a large sphere shaped object emerges. On one end of the sphere is some of kind of laser array structure used to harness the energy of the sphere into a single deadly blast. The sphere jets away from The Muscle.

Alien Leader: Once my Plixor Powered Array is in position you can kiss Yur-Anus goodbye!!

The female pilot pauses upon hearing the name of Uranus pronounced in the worst way possible. The beeps of her comm panel sound a little louder than usual.

Female Pilot: That is so bad.
Alien Leader: uh... Can I do that again?
Female Pilot: no
Alien Leader: Curse You!!!! (aside) Arm the Plixor Array!!
SIR Voice: Yes, Sir!

The Plixor Array has jetted some distance away from The Muscle and is beginning to power up. Small trails of light shimmer around it, electricity crackles across its surface. Back in the female fighter pilot's cockpit:

Earth Force Commander: (on speaker) He has the fleet boxed in!

Camera shifts aboard the Earth Command Ship. Its commander is partially obscured in shadow.

Earth Force Commander: (another familiar voice) You're the only one who can stop the Plixor Array before it destroys the planet! Good luck!
Female Pilot: I've always known this day would come but I give my life freely knowing it will be against ZIM!

The female pilot guns her engines and opens fire on the Plixor Array. Her onboard computer is calling out the distance between her and the Array. Back on the Irken command ship we see Zim for the first time. He's very tall, as much as the tallest, and oddly calm.

Zim: Typical human.

Zim taps a red button. The Plixor Array explodes to reveal a swirling hole of energy.

Female Pilot: Uhh....
Zim: Just a little something I thought of during lunch. With you and your Advanced Fighter gone the Earth will be mine.
Female Pilot: Not now.

The Advanced Fighter is swallowed by the energy hole which vanishes. Aboard the Earth command carrier the crew stands in shock.

Earth Force Commander: Nooo.... not my daughter!!!! (as he leans forward we can see its Professor Membrane in a military command uniform.)
Zim: Goodbye Giz you were a worthy opponent but once again Irken strength is superior. Now my comrades, onward to Yur-Anus!! *pause* (some giggling is heard of camera) *grrr* (makes a fist in the direction of the departed Giz) Curse You!!!!

Scene: Still in orbit around Uranus.

Giz's Advanced Fighter hurtles through the energy vortex and somehow manages to emerge safely on the other side. She is in orbit around Uranus but the Muscle, Irken Strike Force, and Earth Defense are gone. Giz takes off her helmet. With it off we can see that Giz looks identical to Gaz except that she has dark spikey hair (kinda like Dib) and glasses.

Giz: Computer, where am I? Was there temporal displacement?
Computer: Negative. Quantum signature shift indicates we've entered an alternate universe.
Giz: Alternate universe?
Computer: Correct. One that is both similar to ours yet different. Many of those you know will be present but different based on different decisions they made in their lives.
Giz: So, where I choose to give up video games and fight the Irken Armada....
Computer: ...your counter part may have been enslaved by them.
Giz: Hmmm... How do I return to my universe?
Computer: Computing.... if identical Plixor Energy Array is made transport to your universe is possible.
Giz: Excellent, begin construction of Plixor Energy Array.
Computer: Negative. Critical component missing. Must obtain Irken Plixor Energy Source.
Giz: *sighs* Wait! If this is a parallel universe there must a counter part to Zim.
Computer: Affirmative!
Giz: Plot a course to Earth, we'll begin searching for him there. *sighs again* If he's as powerful as our Zim we're doomed.

The Advanced Fighter flies off.

Scene: Day. Skool Cafeteria.

Zim: Listen lunch slave, I specifically asked that all food things be kept separate on my plate for my chemical analysis. Hear me. (clenches fist)
Cafeteria Lady: (holding a soup ladle like a weapon) Perhaps if I lived in a world where minimum wage would mean immense wealth I might care. Until then.... EAT IT!! (thrusts soup ladle at Zim, *snap!*)
Zim: (humbled) Yes, ma'am. (shuffles off to table where he pulls out a chemical analysis tool to examine his food. It makes click beep noises.)

At a cafeteria table Dib and Gaz are seated. As usual, Gaz is busy with her Game Slave. The click beep noises of Zim's analysis tool can be heard in the background.

Dib: Chemical analysis? Gaz, normal kids don't-
Gaz: Shut up.
Dib: But Gaz-
Gaz: (without looking up from her Game Slave) I have spent the last 24 hours working on this final level. No game saves are allowed so if I die I will have to start over. Before I do someone will suffer. Oh the pain.....
Zim: (off camera) Chemical Unknown?!! What do they put in this fffff-food?!!!

Dib glances up to see Zim confounded by the dish of the day. Dib glances down at his lunch plate.

Dib: Is it possible mayonnaise has been my ally all long? I wonder...
Zim: (off camera, the beep click noises from his analysis tool have ceased now being replaced by a warning klaxons.) Its Alive! Its Alive!! Aahhhhhh!!!! (sounds of a lunch tray being overturned and hitting the floor)

An attention getting beep noise is heard. Dib pulls out his trusty laptop computer.

Dib: The defense net has gone on alert. Object of unknown origin...

Behind Gaz and Dib we see Zim running past in fear of his lunch. The lunch tray shuffles across the floor in pursuit.

Dib: ...has entered Earth atmosphere. (taps away on his keyboard) Signal contact lost however...

Behind Gaz and Dib we see Zim running the other way, lunch tray in pursuit. The tray, whatever it is, appears to be tiring and simply stops in the middle of the floor behind Gaz and Dib.

Dib: ...my tachyon sensor net I made from prizes found in PoopFlakes boxes has picked up something. The UFO is here!

Zim runs past again but this time trips on the inert lunch tray. He flies into Gaz who loses her grip on the Game Slave. The Game Slave lands on the floor.

Game Slave Speaker: 'Ha ha hah hah, you fought valiantly but .... GAME OVER.... YOU LOSE!!!!!!'

Gaz's right eye lid begins to flutter. All the kids stop in their tracks. All are staring in terror at Gaz. Some are in mid step, some have their jaws slack and open, and one has a piece of food on the end of the spoon. So terrified is he that he fails to notice the food slowly crawling up the spoon to his hand. Outside dark clouds form over the Skool and begin to pour down rain. Lightning cracks. *THWACK* Zim gets up and notices the entire cafeteria and Gaz starring at him.

Zim: (to Gaz) Its ok I'm fine. I appreciate your concern. Go back to playing with your toy.

Gaz's eye twitches heavily. Dib and the cafeteria fade away behind her and are replaced by bowls of floating ice cream.

Gaz: Like ice cream revenge is a dish best served cold and frosty. By the end of the day, You- Will- Be- OWNED!
Zim: Yes, yes that's nice. Whatever. (to the entire cafeteria) I HAVE FILLED MY KORKAL TO CAPACITY! NOW I BEGIN MY BATHROOM CYCLE!

Zim marches off to the bathroom feeling triumphant over having fooled everyone into thinking he's normal. Gaz begins to clench her fists. Dib starts to look concern.

Dib: Gaz, are you alright?

Gaz whips around and gives Dib the EVIL EYE. Lightning. *THWACK* Dib yelps and jumps back.

Scene: Dusk. Dib's House Interior

Dib: The signal is getting stronger. The UFO is in my backyard. Sweet! I must have an intergalactic rep.

Dib walks to the backdoor. However before he reaches it...

Prof. Membrane: Where are you going son?
Dib: I'm going out back to make first contact with an alien race.
Prof. Membrane: Is your home work finished?
Dib: But dad?! Alien technology? Higher levels of thought? New more advanced flavors of soda?
Prof. Membrane: Work before play, you know the rules.
Dib: Alright.

Scene: Night. 60 minutes later in Dib's backyard.

The Advanced Fighter is a sight to behold silhouetted by a full moon. A hatch opens and Giz emerges backlit by the ship's interior. She's wearing her flight helmet again and is carrying a small device which she points at Dib and starts pushing buttons.

Dib: Of course, an intelligence test. You want to be sure I'm a worthy example of the human race.
Giz: Shut up.
Dib: Yes, yes I- ...... Gaz?

Giz's device stops beeping and emits a positive chirp of approval. Giz removes her flight helmet her face in full view.

Giz: Well, your DNA checks so you're family and not another one of Zim's CyberMooses.
Dib: Gaz?! What did you do to your hair? Where did the aliens go?
Giz: Though the CyberMoose would be less annoying.
Dib: Gaz, if you ruined-
Giz: Silence! Focus. My name is Giz. I'm from a parallel universe. I need your help in finding Zim so I can steal his Plixor energy source so that I may return to my own universe.
Dib: Oooooooookay.... so if you're really Gaz-
Giz: Giz
Dib: Why do you need my help? My sister never asks me for anything.
Giz: I need someone who understands Zim's defenses. I don't have much time. Zim could be attacking the Earth right now.

Scene: Alternate Universe aboard Zim's command ship.

Zim: Inferior snack food! This bag is 3 hours old! I demand SALSA!

Zim throws the opened bag of chips at this SIR unit spilling chips everywhere. The SIR walks away crunching chips under its metallic feet.

Scene: Dib's Backyard again.

Dib: Gaz-
Giz: Giz
Dib: Zim is attacking the Earth? But how?
Giz: (grits her teeth) In my universe Zim is the leader of the Irken Armada. If we hadn't made a technology trade with the Theonosians (points at the Advanced Fighter as proof) we would already be defeated.
Dib: You got that? What did they get in return?
Giz: Velcro
Dib: All right, I'll help. I'm pretty good with this saving the-
Gaz: (from an open window) Quiet! I've got game and you're ruining it.
Dib: It'll be tricky. One of us may not return. But I have a way past Zim's defenses. Let's go Gaz.
Giz: *grrrr*

Onward to Part II -->